Support?
Help 'recovering'?
If that is the case 'pro anorexia' forums you are the wrong place. You should be in a recovery forum.
I'm sorry but we are all sick and I DONT want to get better. I'm here to help me get sicker. You who abuse me for this idea are just fiddle farting around this urselves. U
Your in complete denial about your own sickness
Sorry for the rant
Not sorry for the oppinon as it is my own and this is my journal
I tried doing that 28 Day Plan, but i failed. i guess writing stuff down and taking note just isnt my thing. i stuck to it, i just never posted.
Plus at the moment im to scared to weigh myself so i dont know if it really worked or not.
Every time i fell light and thin, i get on the scales and ive gained weight. i hate it. Im just so afraid to gain weight, im so scared that im just going to step on the scales and its gonna say 10000000kg
F- 1/2
W- 2/2
E- 2/2
P- 2/2
C- 2/2
1/ 0 (its the first day)/ 9
=) how was everyone elses day????? im gonna try for a perfect 10 tomorrow.
So far today ive had
Low cal Hot chocolate 43
Picked at a begal 150
I dont plan to have anything else today....
Need to loose weight
if i reach my goal of loosing 20kg in 6 months im gonna go clubbing in Melbourne for a week.
- Music:Tegan and Sara
But Thurday night, i was paid a visit and i have fallen deep back into the snow bank
- Location:Home
I cant really function much. Im just always tired and sitting around. I hate everything and everyone hates me. Im at work atm and my stomach wont stop growling really loudly.
.... screw this lets just end it.
- Location:work
- Mood:
depressed - Music:Silence
Thats insane. i haddent been that big in like a year. ive been fasting on an off for a month. not gone over 500 cals in one day. But still im SCARED to weigh myself. Litterally scared that i will stand on there and it will say 165kg. i feel that big. I can kinda tell ive gone down- i only have 3 chins not 4 chins now. But yeah- its kinda scary. i dont know what to do
- Location:at work
- Mood:
bored - Music:air con
If you only knew about how i get up in the middle of the night to get changed coz i dont think i look nice enough. Even tho no one sees me when i sleep. how i change my underwear 7 times before i leave for work in the morning. How even tho it took me 2 hours to pick an outfit thismorning, then 20 mins of a pep talk to actully walk out of the house, i still think im the ugliest thing out there....
If you only knew my life
argh.
Im super obease.
I need to diet badly.
Mega depressed. But im slowly controlling again what i eat. its hard but im doing it. Lost like a kilo. So im doing it. Just trying to stay away from junk food and bread. They are killers.
Im really tired. I think im getting sick so im gonna go. ill try posting again soon....
- Mood:
curious
After last week, ive basicly spent every second with Zac, he wont leave me alone. Hes "too worried" to let me be by myself. Its kinda cute. So last night we went to hadies party. Zac drunk, i didnt. I kinda looked like i was depressed the whole night, but mostly coz i was still in A LOT of pain from last week. Ive been doped up on pain killers for a week now.
Zac had fun tho. which is all that counts.
We went back to zacs and we like to sit in bed together and be really close. Not sexual or anything, he says i mould perfectly against his body. and im nice to hold. And he starts talking to me, and keeps saying like "your the best thing thats ever happened to me", "without you, i wouldnt even know what id do, "i dont know how you ended up with me, you way to good for me" . He hates to show emotion in front of people. but when we are alone hes so gentle and loving towards me. and i feel the same back. i really do love him.
So its Sunday morning, and every sunday i make Zac breakfast. For the first time this morning Zacs brother, Dave, is up when im making Zac scrambled eggs, bacon, toast with butter, sausages, grilled tomatos.
Dave: What are you doing?
Me: Making Zac breakfast. Want me to make some for you?
Dave......i think i love you
Awww Dave. so easily pleased.
- Mood:
loved - Music:The Polophonic Spree
So my new boyfriend and i have been fucking. And because i still wasnt 100% sure i was infertile we still used protection. i also didnt want to try to explain that whole thing to him either
Madeline: Dont worry bout the condoms i dont get my period
Zac: Why?
Madeline: Well i dont eat anything because i hate myself that much. And everything you give me to eat i thow up when your not looking.
But the other day i got really sick. well really sore all over and burning up. i thought it might be food poisioning. but then i passed out. I was at Zacs so being Mauri he freaks out. Dave his older bro comes in and zacs holding me in his arms and screaming shit at him. Dave finally worked out i needed to go to the hospital.
6 hours in the ER later.... i had a baby.... well i had a miscarage. Apparently i was 5-6 weeks pregnet. And because i had been fasting the baby died.....
Well today I finally got my APPLE BOTTOM JEANS!!!!.....but they dont fit *cries* im to fat. but its hell motivated me to loose more weight. and its not alot i have to loose. the jeans are around a size 6. and im an 8/10 at the moment. So im thinking 8 kilos. thats how much ill have to loose to get into them.
Lets do this thing!
Its been a while hasnt it....
im staying over at Zacs tonight. shall be good. i like staying at Zac's coz i nevr have to eat. his family do sit down and have dinner together. they just get what they want, when they want.
So if zac is every like " Hey u want something" i just start kissing him and he sits right back down.
rofl.....
- Music:Tegan and Sarah
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